Post by Shiori on Mar 13, 2014 20:16:37 GMT -5
Chapter Five
The Revenge of the Background Characters
Clyde eagerly knocked on the Cabin One door, and took a quick, satisfied look at his set up. The giant bouquet of flowers was nicely secured to the door, and the card he had made for Bebe was set. As he heard footsteps come towards the door, the boy sprightingly leapt into the bushes and smiled to himself.
A curious Bebe answered the door.
"Who is it?" Noticing the flowers, she pulled them off inquisitively. "Huh? What's this?" Clyde crossed his fingers hopefully as she noticed the card and started reading over it. As she read over the card, Bebe broke into a happy grin and her watcher's heart leapt for joy. However, this was quickly shattered as the curly-haired girl ran back into her cabin squealing,
"OHMIGODYOUGUYS! I JUST GOT A LOVE LETTER FROM KYLE!!!" Clyde snapped his fingers in frustration.
"Darn. Never should have gone with secret admirer notes..." The brown haired boy muttered, and squirmed when he felt something drip onto his face. Looking up, the poor kid sobbed.
"Aw! Now the branches went and broke my pouch..."
As Clyde untangled himself from the branches and stumbled down away from the cabin dejectedly, he was practically run over by a horde of campers scuttling across. However, in his teary-eyed moment, the child hardly noticed. The group of children ran ahead for a bit- until one of them finally noticed something.
"Oh. Wait- wasn't that Clyde?"
"Oh Shi- Yeah!!"
"BACKWARD- MARCH!" The group came scuttling back to Clyde, and Craig hurriedly explained to his friend.
"We have about 3 minutes to get up that hill into the Bombs class before we get leeches shoved up our asses. Come on!"
"I don't feel like it." Clyde mumbled disheartidly, stopping the group in their tracks.
"Don't feel like it." Craig repeated, his finger automatically slipping up. Cartman shook his head angrily.
"Goddamnit Clyde- YOU ARE NOT A MAIN CHARACTER. You have no choice." Seeing that this wasn't helping, the boy turned back to his group. "Okay- we don't have time for this! I got his legs, Stan Get his hands- Kyle, you get his butt."
"What!?!" Kyle demanded.
"Two minutes." Butters reported dutifully looking at his watch, causing the rest of the group to practically go mad."
"We don't have time for that talk, Jew!" Cartman whipped out some chloroform. "Now grab him and hold him dow- Ay!" The boy shook the bottle fiercely- however, not even a drop fell. "What the hell!?!"
Zakuro gave a sheepish look to all the glares she got.
"Yeah... I might have maybe gotten into that... Maybe." Cartman threw the bottle on the ground angrily.
"Aw! Goddamnit!" Stan shook his head angrily.
"Fine. We're just gonna go without Clyde. We can tell the teacher that he had explosive diherria or something... Sure smells like it." Stan shrugged, leading the group back on their rampage up the hill.(Note: Colostomy bags smell REALLY bad when popped. X<) Shrugging, Clyde sulkily trudged along. Kicking a rock, he sadly murmured.
"I don't get it... Why does she like Kyle so much?! It's not--"
"OOOO! Someone got RE-JECT-ED~!" Zakuro chirped, bursting out of the tree. However, this hardly shocked the boy as pretty much everyone at the camp was used to Zakuro and her way of popping up for no apparent reason.
"Why are you here? Aren't you supposed to be in class?" He asked the forest demon grimly.
"Yeah but..." The girl tried to move her foot. "Oh- DUDE! Wait a sec. 'S stuck..." As her listener waited patiently, the girl tried desperately to retrieve her foot from the tree- but ended up falling off of it. "BYGO!" She quickly leapt up and shook the snow off of her nonchalantly. "So, dude, you trying to get that Bebe chick? I thought she had the hots for Kyle or something..."
"She does..." Clyde muttered shuffling his feet a bit, sort of ticked that even a crazy person who had only been around the group for a day could figure that out. This caused the girl to jump up and down a lot.
"OH! Oh! Okay, dude! I just got THE best idea. Okay, okay, okay. So, I can TOTALLY help you get that Bebe chick to dig you!!" Clyde's head snapped up from the ground.
"What?!? You could do tha-?! Wait... Why do I want to take advice from you- you can't even tell the difference between carrots and peas."
"And you give a rabid, love struck girl a 'secret admirer' note and expect her to figure out its someone who she doesn't even know has the hots for her." Zak countered his skeptics and Clyde sighed.
"Alright... Alright..." Looking up, the boy gave his new mentor a confused look, "But why do you want to help me?"
"Because Putput says that I need to do one good deed a day. ... That and the fact that you totally went all out to try and gain her heart. Dude, you guys would make a good couple- the tofu trees believe so as well." Sorry he asked, Clyde just shrugged.
"Thanks... I guess...?"
"By the way, you have pure bile.. Like... Totally all over you jacket... Dude! It's in the shape of an effing--" Seeing that this wasn't helping the boy cope much with his dejection, Zak just let her voice trail off there. She handed him her top jacket. "Here. Use this- BUT DON'T YOU DARE PRESS THE RED BUTTON."
"Red Button?" Clyde asked, hesitantly taking the jacket. Pointing in the pockets, the girl nodded.
"Yep. The red button... See! It looks nice on you! --Ohshiz. Yeah. We have, like, 2 minutes..." She snatched the horribly lost kid's hand and raced up the hill after the rest of the group, shouting 'WHACHA!'
Just about two seconds from when class was about to start, all of the children blasted through the Bomb's door, causing Crocodile to leap about 10 feet in the air and land two feet away from where he used to be drawing blueprints.
"HOLY SHIT!!" The teacher managed, picking himself off from the floor. "What the heck is wrong with you children?" He shook his head. "Such a lack in class... Such a lack..."
"WE'RE ONTIME!" Kyle exclaimed and got down on his knees. "Please don't stick exploding leeches up our butts!!"
"Yes! No leeches!!"
"Fine. Have whatever." Crocodile shrugged the group off. "Just sit your butts down on the crates by the materials...." Suddenly smelling Clyde, the teacher pointed at him with his hook. "And you... You smell- really bad. It's called 'mouth wash'." The children shrugged from being let off and hopped over to their seats, which were by Cabin.
Walking around the group, the six foot-tall counselor explained what the day's activity was.
"So I really don't feel like doing anything today so I'm going to let you mess around with the materials in front of you. There's nothing you can really do any harm with--"
"Shiori! Lookit what I made!"
"Pull!"
"OHDEARGOSHIORIWHATDIDYOU!?!" BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSSSSSSSSSHHHHHHHHH!!!! Looking over at the ash covered pair of Zak and Shiori, Crocodile shot the two an annoyed look.
"Unless you happen to be a complete dumbass like those two. Any questions?"
"Is that how you lost your left hand?" Kyle asked.
"Actually..." The teacher laughed nervously "That was, uh... Bathroom door inciden-- Get to work!"
"Hahaha!" Cartman laughed. "What a dumbass!" With surprising stealth for one of his bulk and height the man moved behind him.
"Laughing? I don't know..." He placed his hand on the boy's shoulder. "That joke was a bit dry... If you get my jist."
"No I don't get your- OH MY GOD!! MY ARM! WHAT THE HELL!?!" Cartman exclaimed gaping at his arm which had lost all moisture at all. Seeing this, the teacher laughed in his trademark staccato tone.
"Ku-ha-ha-ha~ whoops. That's a bad habit of mine... Just drink some water and you'll be fine."
"WATER? My fucking arm's a mummy and you're telling me that water is going to heal it all!?!"
"Hmm? Oh yeah- pretty much." Cartman looked to Stan for support, but his friend just shrugged.
"Makes as much sense as anything else in this camp."
"Mrph."
"There." Stan stated, proudly putting the finishing touches on the group's project. He looked over at Kenny. "Nice idea, Kenny!"
"Yeah!" Kyle looked over the contraption happily, "A Smoke Bomb's sure to get us an A for the day!" He glanced at Cartman, annoyed. "We might have finished faster if some people actually helped out!"
"Ay! Gimme a break, Jew! I just got my arm Mummified!!" Cartman exclaimed, angrily.
"Well you shook off the Super Poison Ivy pretty fast." Kyle muttered, crossly.
"Hey! Cabin Two! What did you guys- holy crap." Stan managed, seeing their project. Mishiga waved at the boys happily.
"We made a PVC Flamethrower!"
"Don't you want to know what we made?" Craig asked, Cartman.
"No, Craig. Screw you- background character. Remember?" Cartman explained calmly to the boy.
"I've had my own episode!!" Craig insisted.
"Yeah!" Token exclaimed, "Same with Tweek, Pip and me!!" Cartman nodded his head towards Clyde.
"Whatever. You guys are still background characters."
"Leave it to Cartman to find something to use to be racist against them.." Kyle moaned.
"I wanna try it!" Shiori whined, moving toward the group's project like she was in a trance.
"NO." Kiichigo answered. "I don't trust you with anything that has 'flame' in its name, Shiori." Zakuro looked up from the project really quick.
"It's not even done yet... I have to put on the last touches so that it actually works correctly and--"
"Yoink!" Shiori grinned, stealing the weapon. She then proceeded to turn on the flame thrower and it blew up- engulfing the whole classroom. However, the only two who were actually hurt were Shiori and Kenny, who ended up being dead.
"OH MY GOD! THEY KILLED KENNY!" Stan exclaimed.
"BASTARDS!" Kyle followed aloud, ticked off.
"OH MY GOD! I KILLED SHIORI!!!" Zakuro freaked out.
"BASTARD!" Mishiga pointed to Zakuro angrily. Crocodile just got up from his desk and picked up a broom and a dustpan, shrugging.
"Eh. It was bound to happen sooner or later." Looking at the clock in the classroom, the teacher clapped happily.
"Well look at that! Class is over! That means that you can all leave me alone! Get out- NOW. Except for you- child who smells bad."
"Clyde." Clyde reminded Crocodile of his name.
"Fine, have whatever." The teacher shrugged as the children piled out of the room to lunch.
After the class was empty, Crocodile lurched up from his desk and walked over to Clyde, staring at him eye to eye.
"I sense... Much anger in you..." Clyde starred at the teacher a bit fearful.
"What? You do?"
"Yes... Much anger. You dislike how the others are constantly putting you down... Infact.. You hate it..."
"...Um... I have no idea what you're talking about..."
"What if I told you, I could make you MORE than just a background character?" Crocodile seemed to hit the nail on the head with this one, for Clyde was instantly sucked in to what he was talking about.
"More than just a background character?" The teacher nodded.
"I can make you a... Main Character..."
"Seriously?!" The child asked, excited.
"Yes. Seriously. Kid who smells really bad-"
"-Clyde."
"Yes, Clyde. Together, we shall go and ambush this camp- causing an uproar never known to Camp Totally0wnage and you shall become- a main character." The boy looked at him doubtfully.
"But if I was to destroy the camp... Wouldn't that make me a bad guy?" Crocodile shrugged.
"A bad guy is a main character. He gets his own scenes, own full pages- sometimes even more time on screen than the heroes." Crocodile explained.
"Whoa..." Clyde mumbled in astonishment. The teacher threw his arm about the boy's shoulders.
"So what do you think.. Clyde? Only through me can you achieve the status of a main character. Know the power of the dark side, Clyde, for it is good... And.. Um... Awesome... And stuff like that. Join me and together we shall get your revenge."
"... K... Fine?" Clyde shrugged. "Awesome things are cool, I guess."
"And now we commence your training." Seeing the time, Clyde became alarmed.
"Wait... First, do you have a TV?"
"Huh? Oh yeah- why?"
"Terrance and Phillip is on."
"Really?"
"Yeah."
"I love Terrance and Phillip! Training can start later!"
"Wait, wait, wait..." Zak said, squinting her face in a weird manor. With a strange noise, the girl snorted a long piece of cheese out of her nose.
"SEE! I told you my mouth and nose were connected!!"
"Yeah.. But you put milk in your mouth..." Kiichigo commented a bit freaked out.
"I did- OHSHIZWHIZ." Zakuro exclaimed spraying milk everywhere.
"Wow. I really could have gone lunch without seeing that." Stan sat, flabbergasted, milk speckling his hair.
"KYLEE~~!" Bebe squealed racing up to the boy and instantly glomping onto him and causing Mishiga to growl deeply. "Or should I say- Secret Admirer~!" Bebe added, lovingly.
"WHAT!?!" Kyle freaked out.
"Oh don't be so modest Kyle~." Bebe sung happily, "I know that the poem and flowers were from you~!" With that she stuck her tongue out at Mishiga, who looked at Kyle bewildered. Cartman just cracked up.
"KYLE HAS A GIRLFRIEND! AHAHAAHAAAAA~!"
"I seriously have no idea what you're talking about Bebe!" Kyle insisted, frustrated.
"Aw, you're still trying to admire me from afar~! Well, see you Kyle~!" The girl gave him a peck on the cheek and bounced away to the table where Wendy and everyone were seated.
".. Clyde's been up in that class awfully long." Craig pointed out, causing Tweek to freak out.
"True, true..." Pip mumbled, taking a sip of tea.
"Probably fed the teacher peanut butter again..." Token groaned.
"Oh JESUS! He was probably killed by the teacher who's going to come down and kill all of us next- GAH!!!"
"We get some dirt on Kyle and you guys cut off on it!? No wonder you guys are background characters!" Cartman grumbled.
"Don't you have anything better to do than make fun of other people?" Waffles asked the boy skeptically, poking her food.
"Ay! I'll do what I want woman!" The boy demanded.
"Yeah. I see that's made you very successful in life." The girl commented.
"Shouldn't you be making a pie!?" Cartman retorted.
"You can go and make your own damn pie!" Waffles simply shrugged off his comments. Before the two could get any further, Clyde slumped down at the table at his usual place by Craig. However.... Something was off..
"Uh... Clyde... You okay?" Craig asked.
"Yeah? Why?" The boy asked, confused.
"Oh well, usually people don't have giant dark auras around them and bright yellow eyes." Token smart mouthed the boy. Clyde shrugged.
"Eh. Sir Crocodile says its just a side effect and it'll wear off soon." Stan shook his head.
"Man! What did you do up there?"
"I TOLD YOU HE WAS OUT TO KILL US- OH JESUS!" Tweek shrieked breaking into a spastic amount of twitching. Seeing this, Clyde sighed and shoved a cup of coffee down the boy's throat, causing him to stop spazzing. However, this was quickily interrupted by a group of frantic councelers who burst into the Cafe'.
"ALRIGHT! WHICH ONE OF YOU IS IT!?!" Mr. Tipper exlaimed, posing with every word.
"Which one of us what?" Stan asked blankly.
"Killed Kenny?" Kyle pointed to Zak. "She did."
"My foot told me too." Zak exclaimed, sobbing.
"No, yup! Not that, yup!" Miss Whelk shrugged off the new information, and Miss Juana explained, kindly.
"We've encounted a disterbence in the forks..." she then switched to rage mode, "SO WHICHEVER OF YOU ASSWHOLES DECIDED TO BETRAY US SPEAK UP AND WE WON'T BEAT THE CRAP OUT OF YOU!" She then smiled kindly, "At least not too bad, man."
"Don't you mean 'force'?" Kyle asked.
"No, no, no, human child- yip, yip, rrr." Mr. Fido shook his head. "We arrrr speaking of the forrrks- ruff- the verrry forrrce that keeps the blance of everrrry day life- WOOF!"
"You mean this?" Stan asked holding up his fork. Miss Morpheus- who was actually out of bed and active- slapped the throught away with her hand.
"Not that artifact, agent. That is an item in which we humans used to pay omage to this magnificent force. Now which one of you is a double agent?" She inquired, and Clyde just sat still, pretending he was as confused as everyone else, hoping no one would notice. It seemed to work, for Mr. Tipper past him without mentioning anything. The boy sighed, relieved, until the teacher zoomed back and pointed at him.
"Ay! You!" Clyde jumped out of his chair about 10 inches.
"Nyah!" Mr. Tipper took no notice of this- or the boy's dark aura and yellow eyes- and instead used this time to point something out.
"Yeah- you smell really bad. Bad to the EXTREME!!" Clyde wiped the sweat away from his forhead as the teacher left, feeling a small sense of pride. The group then stopped by Zakuro.
"Aha! It was YOU!"
"BWAHAHA!! YES IT IS I!!" She burst out manically, and then asked confusidly "Wait, wait,wait- wut?"
"You're the one stealing our carrots!!!" Miss Morpheus pointed out, "You've been a bad agent, 95...."
"I didn't steal your freaking carrots- I STOLE YOUR PEAS!" Zakuro insisted angrily, and the group let her go.
"Oh! That's a whole different story!" Miss Juana smiled happily. "We don't really like peas so- thanks."
"But since the Carrot theif is still on the loose and you do not even know what the fork is we're going to take the day off just to teach you about that so you can help us catch the EXTREME disturbance!" Mr. tipper exclaimed which Miss Whelk followed by nodding and ushering everyone outside.
"Oogle~! Yup, yup, yup! That's right, yup! We'l split you into groups, yup!"
"That's right~ Cabin One, you come with me~!" Miss Juana chirped, gently taking the girls with her.
"All right- agents form house two- you're under my special training now." Miss Morpheus exclaimed, pointing cabin two onward.
"Woof! Alrrrright Cabin Thrrreee. You'rrrre with me- Yip!" Mr. Fido exclaimed, bounding towards the group.
"Excellent to the EXTREME! I 'm taking you campers from Cabin Four!" Mr. Tipper exclaimed, happily.
"Ooogle~! Cabin Five, I've got you guys, yup!" Miss Whelked exclaimed, swirling about in her ocotpus suit.
"Wait! We can't go yet!" Mishiga and Kyle exclaimed at the same time.
"Why ever not?" Miss Juana asked.
"Because we have to wait for Kenny to be born again and metabolize extremily fast until he's nine again!" Kyle pointed out.
"Because we have to wait until Shiori suddenly goes and puts herslf together again!" Mishiga explained.
"Agents... I'm sorry, but that's not going to hap-" Miss Morpheus' explination was interrupted by Kenny and Shiori entering the Cafe' and lounging down with the group again.
"Hey guys, 'sup." Shiori asked.
"Mrph Mrr mrph mrf?" Kenny questioned his group. Mr. Tipper just shrugged off the look that Miss Morpheus gave him.
"Makes as much sense as anything else in this camp."
The Revenge of the Background Characters
Clyde eagerly knocked on the Cabin One door, and took a quick, satisfied look at his set up. The giant bouquet of flowers was nicely secured to the door, and the card he had made for Bebe was set. As he heard footsteps come towards the door, the boy sprightingly leapt into the bushes and smiled to himself.
A curious Bebe answered the door.
"Who is it?" Noticing the flowers, she pulled them off inquisitively. "Huh? What's this?" Clyde crossed his fingers hopefully as she noticed the card and started reading over it. As she read over the card, Bebe broke into a happy grin and her watcher's heart leapt for joy. However, this was quickly shattered as the curly-haired girl ran back into her cabin squealing,
"OHMIGODYOUGUYS! I JUST GOT A LOVE LETTER FROM KYLE!!!" Clyde snapped his fingers in frustration.
"Darn. Never should have gone with secret admirer notes..." The brown haired boy muttered, and squirmed when he felt something drip onto his face. Looking up, the poor kid sobbed.
"Aw! Now the branches went and broke my pouch..."
As Clyde untangled himself from the branches and stumbled down away from the cabin dejectedly, he was practically run over by a horde of campers scuttling across. However, in his teary-eyed moment, the child hardly noticed. The group of children ran ahead for a bit- until one of them finally noticed something.
"Oh. Wait- wasn't that Clyde?"
"Oh Shi- Yeah!!"
"BACKWARD- MARCH!" The group came scuttling back to Clyde, and Craig hurriedly explained to his friend.
"We have about 3 minutes to get up that hill into the Bombs class before we get leeches shoved up our asses. Come on!"
"I don't feel like it." Clyde mumbled disheartidly, stopping the group in their tracks.
"Don't feel like it." Craig repeated, his finger automatically slipping up. Cartman shook his head angrily.
"Goddamnit Clyde- YOU ARE NOT A MAIN CHARACTER. You have no choice." Seeing that this wasn't helping, the boy turned back to his group. "Okay- we don't have time for this! I got his legs, Stan Get his hands- Kyle, you get his butt."
"What!?!" Kyle demanded.
"Two minutes." Butters reported dutifully looking at his watch, causing the rest of the group to practically go mad."
"We don't have time for that talk, Jew!" Cartman whipped out some chloroform. "Now grab him and hold him dow- Ay!" The boy shook the bottle fiercely- however, not even a drop fell. "What the hell!?!"
Zakuro gave a sheepish look to all the glares she got.
"Yeah... I might have maybe gotten into that... Maybe." Cartman threw the bottle on the ground angrily.
"Aw! Goddamnit!" Stan shook his head angrily.
"Fine. We're just gonna go without Clyde. We can tell the teacher that he had explosive diherria or something... Sure smells like it." Stan shrugged, leading the group back on their rampage up the hill.(Note: Colostomy bags smell REALLY bad when popped. X<) Shrugging, Clyde sulkily trudged along. Kicking a rock, he sadly murmured.
"I don't get it... Why does she like Kyle so much?! It's not--"
"OOOO! Someone got RE-JECT-ED~!" Zakuro chirped, bursting out of the tree. However, this hardly shocked the boy as pretty much everyone at the camp was used to Zakuro and her way of popping up for no apparent reason.
"Why are you here? Aren't you supposed to be in class?" He asked the forest demon grimly.
"Yeah but..." The girl tried to move her foot. "Oh- DUDE! Wait a sec. 'S stuck..." As her listener waited patiently, the girl tried desperately to retrieve her foot from the tree- but ended up falling off of it. "BYGO!" She quickly leapt up and shook the snow off of her nonchalantly. "So, dude, you trying to get that Bebe chick? I thought she had the hots for Kyle or something..."
"She does..." Clyde muttered shuffling his feet a bit, sort of ticked that even a crazy person who had only been around the group for a day could figure that out. This caused the girl to jump up and down a lot.
"OH! Oh! Okay, dude! I just got THE best idea. Okay, okay, okay. So, I can TOTALLY help you get that Bebe chick to dig you!!" Clyde's head snapped up from the ground.
"What?!? You could do tha-?! Wait... Why do I want to take advice from you- you can't even tell the difference between carrots and peas."
"And you give a rabid, love struck girl a 'secret admirer' note and expect her to figure out its someone who she doesn't even know has the hots for her." Zak countered his skeptics and Clyde sighed.
"Alright... Alright..." Looking up, the boy gave his new mentor a confused look, "But why do you want to help me?"
"Because Putput says that I need to do one good deed a day. ... That and the fact that you totally went all out to try and gain her heart. Dude, you guys would make a good couple- the tofu trees believe so as well." Sorry he asked, Clyde just shrugged.
"Thanks... I guess...?"
"By the way, you have pure bile.. Like... Totally all over you jacket... Dude! It's in the shape of an effing--" Seeing that this wasn't helping the boy cope much with his dejection, Zak just let her voice trail off there. She handed him her top jacket. "Here. Use this- BUT DON'T YOU DARE PRESS THE RED BUTTON."
"Red Button?" Clyde asked, hesitantly taking the jacket. Pointing in the pockets, the girl nodded.
"Yep. The red button... See! It looks nice on you! --Ohshiz. Yeah. We have, like, 2 minutes..." She snatched the horribly lost kid's hand and raced up the hill after the rest of the group, shouting 'WHACHA!'
Just about two seconds from when class was about to start, all of the children blasted through the Bomb's door, causing Crocodile to leap about 10 feet in the air and land two feet away from where he used to be drawing blueprints.
"HOLY SHIT!!" The teacher managed, picking himself off from the floor. "What the heck is wrong with you children?" He shook his head. "Such a lack in class... Such a lack..."
"WE'RE ONTIME!" Kyle exclaimed and got down on his knees. "Please don't stick exploding leeches up our butts!!"
"Yes! No leeches!!"
"Fine. Have whatever." Crocodile shrugged the group off. "Just sit your butts down on the crates by the materials...." Suddenly smelling Clyde, the teacher pointed at him with his hook. "And you... You smell- really bad. It's called 'mouth wash'." The children shrugged from being let off and hopped over to their seats, which were by Cabin.
Walking around the group, the six foot-tall counselor explained what the day's activity was.
"So I really don't feel like doing anything today so I'm going to let you mess around with the materials in front of you. There's nothing you can really do any harm with--"
"Shiori! Lookit what I made!"
"Pull!"
"OHDEARGOSHIORIWHATDIDYOU!?!" BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSSSSSSSSSHHHHHHHHH!!!! Looking over at the ash covered pair of Zak and Shiori, Crocodile shot the two an annoyed look.
"Unless you happen to be a complete dumbass like those two. Any questions?"
"Is that how you lost your left hand?" Kyle asked.
"Actually..." The teacher laughed nervously "That was, uh... Bathroom door inciden-- Get to work!"
"Hahaha!" Cartman laughed. "What a dumbass!" With surprising stealth for one of his bulk and height the man moved behind him.
"Laughing? I don't know..." He placed his hand on the boy's shoulder. "That joke was a bit dry... If you get my jist."
"No I don't get your- OH MY GOD!! MY ARM! WHAT THE HELL!?!" Cartman exclaimed gaping at his arm which had lost all moisture at all. Seeing this, the teacher laughed in his trademark staccato tone.
"Ku-ha-ha-ha~ whoops. That's a bad habit of mine... Just drink some water and you'll be fine."
"WATER? My fucking arm's a mummy and you're telling me that water is going to heal it all!?!"
"Hmm? Oh yeah- pretty much." Cartman looked to Stan for support, but his friend just shrugged.
"Makes as much sense as anything else in this camp."
"Mrph."
"There." Stan stated, proudly putting the finishing touches on the group's project. He looked over at Kenny. "Nice idea, Kenny!"
"Yeah!" Kyle looked over the contraption happily, "A Smoke Bomb's sure to get us an A for the day!" He glanced at Cartman, annoyed. "We might have finished faster if some people actually helped out!"
"Ay! Gimme a break, Jew! I just got my arm Mummified!!" Cartman exclaimed, angrily.
"Well you shook off the Super Poison Ivy pretty fast." Kyle muttered, crossly.
"Hey! Cabin Two! What did you guys- holy crap." Stan managed, seeing their project. Mishiga waved at the boys happily.
"We made a PVC Flamethrower!"
"Don't you want to know what we made?" Craig asked, Cartman.
"No, Craig. Screw you- background character. Remember?" Cartman explained calmly to the boy.
"I've had my own episode!!" Craig insisted.
"Yeah!" Token exclaimed, "Same with Tweek, Pip and me!!" Cartman nodded his head towards Clyde.
"Whatever. You guys are still background characters."
"Leave it to Cartman to find something to use to be racist against them.." Kyle moaned.
"I wanna try it!" Shiori whined, moving toward the group's project like she was in a trance.
"NO." Kiichigo answered. "I don't trust you with anything that has 'flame' in its name, Shiori." Zakuro looked up from the project really quick.
"It's not even done yet... I have to put on the last touches so that it actually works correctly and--"
"Yoink!" Shiori grinned, stealing the weapon. She then proceeded to turn on the flame thrower and it blew up- engulfing the whole classroom. However, the only two who were actually hurt were Shiori and Kenny, who ended up being dead.
"OH MY GOD! THEY KILLED KENNY!" Stan exclaimed.
"BASTARDS!" Kyle followed aloud, ticked off.
"OH MY GOD! I KILLED SHIORI!!!" Zakuro freaked out.
"BASTARD!" Mishiga pointed to Zakuro angrily. Crocodile just got up from his desk and picked up a broom and a dustpan, shrugging.
"Eh. It was bound to happen sooner or later." Looking at the clock in the classroom, the teacher clapped happily.
"Well look at that! Class is over! That means that you can all leave me alone! Get out- NOW. Except for you- child who smells bad."
"Clyde." Clyde reminded Crocodile of his name.
"Fine, have whatever." The teacher shrugged as the children piled out of the room to lunch.
After the class was empty, Crocodile lurched up from his desk and walked over to Clyde, staring at him eye to eye.
"I sense... Much anger in you..." Clyde starred at the teacher a bit fearful.
"What? You do?"
"Yes... Much anger. You dislike how the others are constantly putting you down... Infact.. You hate it..."
"...Um... I have no idea what you're talking about..."
"What if I told you, I could make you MORE than just a background character?" Crocodile seemed to hit the nail on the head with this one, for Clyde was instantly sucked in to what he was talking about.
"More than just a background character?" The teacher nodded.
"I can make you a... Main Character..."
"Seriously?!" The child asked, excited.
"Yes. Seriously. Kid who smells really bad-"
"-Clyde."
"Yes, Clyde. Together, we shall go and ambush this camp- causing an uproar never known to Camp Totally0wnage and you shall become- a main character." The boy looked at him doubtfully.
"But if I was to destroy the camp... Wouldn't that make me a bad guy?" Crocodile shrugged.
"A bad guy is a main character. He gets his own scenes, own full pages- sometimes even more time on screen than the heroes." Crocodile explained.
"Whoa..." Clyde mumbled in astonishment. The teacher threw his arm about the boy's shoulders.
"So what do you think.. Clyde? Only through me can you achieve the status of a main character. Know the power of the dark side, Clyde, for it is good... And.. Um... Awesome... And stuff like that. Join me and together we shall get your revenge."
"... K... Fine?" Clyde shrugged. "Awesome things are cool, I guess."
"And now we commence your training." Seeing the time, Clyde became alarmed.
"Wait... First, do you have a TV?"
"Huh? Oh yeah- why?"
"Terrance and Phillip is on."
"Really?"
"Yeah."
"I love Terrance and Phillip! Training can start later!"
"Wait, wait, wait..." Zak said, squinting her face in a weird manor. With a strange noise, the girl snorted a long piece of cheese out of her nose.
"SEE! I told you my mouth and nose were connected!!"
"Yeah.. But you put milk in your mouth..." Kiichigo commented a bit freaked out.
"I did- OHSHIZWHIZ." Zakuro exclaimed spraying milk everywhere.
"Wow. I really could have gone lunch without seeing that." Stan sat, flabbergasted, milk speckling his hair.
"KYLEE~~!" Bebe squealed racing up to the boy and instantly glomping onto him and causing Mishiga to growl deeply. "Or should I say- Secret Admirer~!" Bebe added, lovingly.
"WHAT!?!" Kyle freaked out.
"Oh don't be so modest Kyle~." Bebe sung happily, "I know that the poem and flowers were from you~!" With that she stuck her tongue out at Mishiga, who looked at Kyle bewildered. Cartman just cracked up.
"KYLE HAS A GIRLFRIEND! AHAHAAHAAAAA~!"
"I seriously have no idea what you're talking about Bebe!" Kyle insisted, frustrated.
"Aw, you're still trying to admire me from afar~! Well, see you Kyle~!" The girl gave him a peck on the cheek and bounced away to the table where Wendy and everyone were seated.
".. Clyde's been up in that class awfully long." Craig pointed out, causing Tweek to freak out.
"True, true..." Pip mumbled, taking a sip of tea.
"Probably fed the teacher peanut butter again..." Token groaned.
"Oh JESUS! He was probably killed by the teacher who's going to come down and kill all of us next- GAH!!!"
"We get some dirt on Kyle and you guys cut off on it!? No wonder you guys are background characters!" Cartman grumbled.
"Don't you have anything better to do than make fun of other people?" Waffles asked the boy skeptically, poking her food.
"Ay! I'll do what I want woman!" The boy demanded.
"Yeah. I see that's made you very successful in life." The girl commented.
"Shouldn't you be making a pie!?" Cartman retorted.
"You can go and make your own damn pie!" Waffles simply shrugged off his comments. Before the two could get any further, Clyde slumped down at the table at his usual place by Craig. However.... Something was off..
"Uh... Clyde... You okay?" Craig asked.
"Yeah? Why?" The boy asked, confused.
"Oh well, usually people don't have giant dark auras around them and bright yellow eyes." Token smart mouthed the boy. Clyde shrugged.
"Eh. Sir Crocodile says its just a side effect and it'll wear off soon." Stan shook his head.
"Man! What did you do up there?"
"I TOLD YOU HE WAS OUT TO KILL US- OH JESUS!" Tweek shrieked breaking into a spastic amount of twitching. Seeing this, Clyde sighed and shoved a cup of coffee down the boy's throat, causing him to stop spazzing. However, this was quickily interrupted by a group of frantic councelers who burst into the Cafe'.
"ALRIGHT! WHICH ONE OF YOU IS IT!?!" Mr. Tipper exlaimed, posing with every word.
"Which one of us what?" Stan asked blankly.
"Killed Kenny?" Kyle pointed to Zak. "She did."
"My foot told me too." Zak exclaimed, sobbing.
"No, yup! Not that, yup!" Miss Whelk shrugged off the new information, and Miss Juana explained, kindly.
"We've encounted a disterbence in the forks..." she then switched to rage mode, "SO WHICHEVER OF YOU ASSWHOLES DECIDED TO BETRAY US SPEAK UP AND WE WON'T BEAT THE CRAP OUT OF YOU!" She then smiled kindly, "At least not too bad, man."
"Don't you mean 'force'?" Kyle asked.
"No, no, no, human child- yip, yip, rrr." Mr. Fido shook his head. "We arrrr speaking of the forrrks- ruff- the verrry forrrce that keeps the blance of everrrry day life- WOOF!"
"You mean this?" Stan asked holding up his fork. Miss Morpheus- who was actually out of bed and active- slapped the throught away with her hand.
"Not that artifact, agent. That is an item in which we humans used to pay omage to this magnificent force. Now which one of you is a double agent?" She inquired, and Clyde just sat still, pretending he was as confused as everyone else, hoping no one would notice. It seemed to work, for Mr. Tipper past him without mentioning anything. The boy sighed, relieved, until the teacher zoomed back and pointed at him.
"Ay! You!" Clyde jumped out of his chair about 10 inches.
"Nyah!" Mr. Tipper took no notice of this- or the boy's dark aura and yellow eyes- and instead used this time to point something out.
"Yeah- you smell really bad. Bad to the EXTREME!!" Clyde wiped the sweat away from his forhead as the teacher left, feeling a small sense of pride. The group then stopped by Zakuro.
"Aha! It was YOU!"
"BWAHAHA!! YES IT IS I!!" She burst out manically, and then asked confusidly "Wait, wait,wait- wut?"
"You're the one stealing our carrots!!!" Miss Morpheus pointed out, "You've been a bad agent, 95...."
"I didn't steal your freaking carrots- I STOLE YOUR PEAS!" Zakuro insisted angrily, and the group let her go.
"Oh! That's a whole different story!" Miss Juana smiled happily. "We don't really like peas so- thanks."
"But since the Carrot theif is still on the loose and you do not even know what the fork is we're going to take the day off just to teach you about that so you can help us catch the EXTREME disturbance!" Mr. tipper exclaimed which Miss Whelk followed by nodding and ushering everyone outside.
"Oogle~! Yup, yup, yup! That's right, yup! We'l split you into groups, yup!"
"That's right~ Cabin One, you come with me~!" Miss Juana chirped, gently taking the girls with her.
"All right- agents form house two- you're under my special training now." Miss Morpheus exclaimed, pointing cabin two onward.
"Woof! Alrrrright Cabin Thrrreee. You'rrrre with me- Yip!" Mr. Fido exclaimed, bounding towards the group.
"Excellent to the EXTREME! I 'm taking you campers from Cabin Four!" Mr. Tipper exclaimed, happily.
"Ooogle~! Cabin Five, I've got you guys, yup!" Miss Whelked exclaimed, swirling about in her ocotpus suit.
"Wait! We can't go yet!" Mishiga and Kyle exclaimed at the same time.
"Why ever not?" Miss Juana asked.
"Because we have to wait for Kenny to be born again and metabolize extremily fast until he's nine again!" Kyle pointed out.
"Because we have to wait until Shiori suddenly goes and puts herslf together again!" Mishiga explained.
"Agents... I'm sorry, but that's not going to hap-" Miss Morpheus' explination was interrupted by Kenny and Shiori entering the Cafe' and lounging down with the group again.
"Hey guys, 'sup." Shiori asked.
"Mrph Mrr mrph mrf?" Kenny questioned his group. Mr. Tipper just shrugged off the look that Miss Morpheus gave him.
"Makes as much sense as anything else in this camp."
